Today’s TEA CUPP:
Understand: But I am like an olive tree
flourishing in the house of God;
I trust in God’s unfailing love
for ever and ever. Psalm 52:8 (NIV)
Every morning I sit on the sofa for my TEA CUPP time with Jesus. As I pray, I look outside and am greeted by my favorite view. Out my morning window I see…
* Hawley Mountain towering mightily, bedecked with snow.
As the mountains surround Jerusalem,
So the LORD surrounds His people
From this time forth and forever. Psalm 125:2 (NKJV)
* Deer timidly stepping from the forest to nibble our green lawn.
As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So pants my soul for You, O God. Psalm 42:1 (NKJV)
* A berm of soil, rocks, and wildflowers that was created when this house was built by volunteers in 2003.
Unless the LORD builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the LORD guards the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain. Psalm 127:1 (NKJV)
* Our cherry tree garden planted in memory of our babies Gloria Anne, Angelica May, and Gabriella Hope.
Your prayers and your alms have come up for a memorial before God. Acts 10:4 (NKJV)
But soon we are moving and I wonder what I will see out my morning window. Will I see mountains? Will I see deer? Will I see reminders of God’s love and care and comfort? Moving is hard. How did the Israelites do it for 40 years in the desert, packing up whenever God’s cloud moved? Were they sad to leave behind memories of lost children and pets? Were they sad to leave behind their dreams? Or did they trust God and move ahead with excitement at what God had planned for them?
O Jesus, help me move with excitement and anticipation. Please comfort all my worries and tears. May the view out my morning window be even more wonderful than what I see today. Amen.
Today’s TEA CUPP: Is God calling you to do something new in your life? To move? To a new job? To serving Him? Are you having a hard time saying, “Yes.” Talk to Jesus about it. Read the book of Jonah and his story of running from God’s call. Ask the Lord for strength to help you move ahead in His will. I’m praying for this, too.
See that you do all I command you; do not add to it or take away from it. Deuteronomy 12:32 (NIV)
Thus says the LORD:
“ A voice was heard in Ramah,
Lamentation and bitter weeping,
Rachel weeping for her children,
Refusing to be comforted for her children,
Because they are no more.” Jeremiah 31:15 (NKJV)
We have been with child, we have been in pain;
We have, as it were, brought forth wind…Isaiah 26:18 (NKJV)
What do you do when you come to such sad verses in your Bible? For those of us who have lost babies, these words can bring us to tears. Yet we know the God of the Universe understands our sorrow, for it’s right here in His Word. I underline the verses and write a “U” for “Understanding my story” next to them. This is my story right in God’s Word. Perhaps it is your story, too.
But I don’t need to stop there, for God also has words of comfort for me…
I will rejoice in Jerusalem,
And joy in My people;
The voice of weeping shall no longer be heard in her,
Nor the voice of crying.
“ No more shall an infant from there live but a few days… Isaiah 65:19-20 (NKJV)
He will swallow up death forever,
And the Lord GOD will wipe away tears from all faces… Isaiah 25:8 (NKJV)
I underline these verses and write a “P” for “Promises” next to them. I claim God’s promises that He will wipe away every tear, and that babies will always live in heaven. Jesus comforts me with His Word and promises, as we share our TEA CUPP time together. And that is how it is today, as I remember our dear Angelica May.
In Loving Memory of Our Babies…
Angelica May
November 6, 2009
Gabriella Hope
June 10, 2010
Gloria Anne
July 25, 2009
Dear Jesus, please hold our babies for me until you call me home.
For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God. Ephesians 2:8 (NKJV)
Grace. My middle name is Grace. Our daughter Kallie’s middle name is Grace. We were both born on Tuesday. There is an old poem that says, “Tuesday’s child is full of grace.” I often thought that was why my parents signed me up for ballet lessons as a child, so that I would learn to be full of grace. Instead of doing clumsy tricks, like jumping off the coffee table and breaking my ankle!
But then I grew up and found out what grace is all about. Grace is when God gives me something I don’t deserve, like forgiveness and eternal life with Him in heaven. Mercy is when God doesn’t give me what I do deserve, like punishment in hell and a life without Him. When explaining this to kids I say, grace is when your mom gives you a cookie even though you were bad. Mercy is when your dad doesn’t give you a spanking, even though you were naughty. I am so thankful for God’s grace and mercy.
Yesterday at church we sang the song “Grace Alone.” At that moment I was praying for our daughter Kallie Grace who was flying somewhere over the Pacific Ocean to Guam. I knew God’s Grace was just what I needed… His grace to hear and answer my prayers, His grace to comfort me if His plan didn’t fit my prayers, His grace to hold me close today and always.
These are the words we sang…
Every promise we can make
Every prayer and step of faith
Every difference we can make
Is only by His grace.
Every mountain we will climb
Every ray of hope we shine
Every blessing left behind
Is only by His grace
Grace alone Which God supplies
Strength unknown He will provide
Christ in us, our cornerstone
We will go forth in grace alone.
Every soul we long to reach
Every heart we hope to teach
Everywhere we share His peace
Is only by His grace.
Every loving word we say
Every tear we wipe away
Every sorrow turned to praise
Is only by His grace.
Grace alone Which God supplies
Strength unknown He will provide
Christ in us, our cornerstone
We will go forth in grace alone.
©1998 Maranatha! Music.
Words and Music by Scott Wesley Brown, Jeff Nelson
And Kallie made it safely to Guam. Thank you, Jesus.
And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (NKJV)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6lhilgWXIE&feature=related
Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. Proverbs 13:12 (NKJV)
We have three babies in heaven now. Gloria Anne was inside me almost three months before going to be with Jesus last July. When she left this earth, I almost went with her, losing so much blood that an ambulance was needed. Angelica May stayed just two months inside me before going to heaven. Her miscarriage was so long, from mid October to December of last year. Then just a few weeks ago we lost Gabriella Hope. She was barely a whisper of life at seven weeks, going straight to the arms of Jesus.
And so our hearts are heavy with sorrow again. Why do these things happen? My dear friend Lorinda sang this song at church yesterday: “If this is what God wants.” The chorus helps me through this part of my story…
If this is what God wants
If this is what God says
Then who I am to doubt
Or try to figure out this circumstance?
If this is what God chose for me
In all His majesty
Then surely I can trust and lean on what God says
And I search God’s Word for comfort…
My frame was not hidden from You
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
Your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in Your book
before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:15-16 (NIV)
“In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NIV)
Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you. John 16:22 (NKJV)
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Revelation 7:17 (NKJV)
I cling to Jesus and His promises. His eyes saw our babies’ unformed bodies. I look forward to that day in heaven when there will be no more sorrow or tears. As I ponder all our babies in heaven, God reminds me of this verse…
“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal; but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.” Matthew 16:19-20 (NKJV)
And I imagine our three treasures in heaven…three precious babies in the arms of Jesus…waiting for me and their Daddy and big sister and brothers, and all their relatives to come someday.
We did not follow cleverly invented stories when we told you about the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of His majesty. 2 Peter 1:16 (NIV)
Sometimes the great hymn-writers just capture our story so well in the lyrics of their songs. This song by the Newsboys, “In Christ Alone,” is one of those. As we read these words and sing along, we are UNDERSTANDING our story a little more. Thanks, Newsboys!
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost it’s grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Brought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘Till He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand
by the Newsboys 2005
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica
This week we’ve been exploring how we can journal our TEA CUPP prayers to keep us focused while we pray. Today we look at the “U” of My TEA CUPP Prayers for UNDERSTANDING, as we see our stories are written in God’s Word.
Each heart knows its own bitterness,
and no one else can share its joy. Proverbs 14:10 (NIV)
Jesus is the only One who knows our hearts as well as we do (probably better!), and He also shares our joys. When we look into God’s Word for our stories, we can be sure to find how He shares our bitterness and joy, like no one else can do. We’ll see how He’s been with us every step of our lives. Pray that You will UNDERSTAND your story day by day, as you read God’s Word and journal verses that speak to your story.
Psalm 71 tells our stories beautifully. Imagine you are having TEA with the King of kings. You are talking with Him about how things have been going in your life. And this is what you say to Jesus…
5 For You have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD,
my confidence since my youth.
6 From birth I have relied on You;
You brought me forth from my mother’s womb.
I will ever praise You.
7 I have become like a portent to many,
but You are my strong refuge.
17 Since my youth, O God, You have taught me,
and to this day I declare Your marvelous deeds.
20 Though You have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
You will restore my life again;
from the depths of the earth
You will again bring me up.
21 You will increase my honor
and comfort me once again. Psalm 71:5-7, 17, 20-21 (NIV)
Perhaps you’d like to write these verses in your TEA CUPP journal today. What other verses might you write in your TEA CUPP journal for UNDERSTANDING?
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are Mine.” Isaiah 43:1 (NIV)
Who am I that the great I AM would give His life for me? During your TEA CUPP time today, let God remind you how much He loves you, and that you are His. When you give your life to Jesus, your name is written in the Lamb’s Book of Life, and you belong to Jesus forever. During my TEA CUPP time, I ask God to help me UNDERSTAND His amazing love a little more each day. Casting Crowns shares our story beautifully in the words of this song…
Who Am I by Casting Crowns
Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love, and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am
But because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Not because of who I am
But because of what You’ve done
Not because of what I’ve done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I’m calling
Lord, You catch me when I’m falling
And You’ve told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
I am Yours
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
‘Cause I am Yours
I am Yours
© 2005 Reunion
Perhaps you have been reading My TEA CUPP Prayers website this week, and also reading your Bible and wondering where God’s story is in there for you. I want to share with you what I call “The Birthday Psalm.” Just about everyone can find her story wrapped up in the words of this beautiful psalm. I encourage you to read it every year on your birthday, to remind yourself that you are a beautiful daughter of the King, created especially for His purposes. Perhaps you want to write it out in a birthday card for a friend, too. Happy Birthday Psalm to you!
Psalm 139 (NIV)
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to [b] me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by Biblica
Hello, prayer friends! I just arrived home from an amazing weekend at Women of Faith in Billings, Montana! I met new and old friends from around Montana, and heard some of the most inspirational messages, given by ladies God has gifted to encourage us in our faith walk. You can visit the link above to find an event in your area. I highly encourage you to attend! Natalie Grant mentioned this verse below, during her concert. I had chosen this same verse last month to write about my experiences. And so I jump ahead a bit today to the “U” section of My Tea Cupp Prayers, as I use God’s Word to help me Understand my story.
Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV) says, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD. “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
Prayers. I believe in prayers. I believe in Jesus. I believe Jesus meant it when He said, “Ask and you will receive.” When things don’t go my way, I wrestle with God. I’m a grumpy kid who is not getting what she wants from her Father. I can’t see the big picture. But God is teaching me.
Two summers ago, my friend Anna mentioned to me that she was expecting again. This would be her fourth child. Anna asked me to pray it wouldn’t be twins. I had already been praying for eight years for more children, and seven years before that I had prayed for our son Kevin. I had even written to three friends who love babies and asked them to pray for me. So, I couldn’t pray for Anna not to have twins; that just seemed like a double blessing to me. So, I prayed, “God, please give Anna a healthy baby, and if you need to give someone twins, please give them to me.”
At the same time, I thought I’d try out specific prayer. I’d heard God likes us to be specific. So, I prayed for specific twins, one blonde, one red head, one boy, one girl, blue eyes, healthy, hearts for Jesus, to be born in Livingston, Montana on May 17, 2009 at 3:07 p.m. Yes, I was that specific. In order for this to happen, I needed to be expecting by fall 2008. As September of that year came and then October, I thought, well maybe they will be premies. Then winter came with still no babies-on-the-way, and a job lay off instead. I just about gave up on praying, but my husband kept on praying. Then late in the spring of 2009, just before the time I had specifically prayed our babies to be born, we miraculously became pregnant. After nine years of waiting, I was so joyous that God had heard our prayers.
In July 2009 we went to our first doctor appointment. The doctor had trouble hearing the baby’s heartbeat, so he wanted to do an ultrasound. I thought, “O good, now he will see there are two babies in there!” Instead, there was just one cute little baby shape, with no heart beating. After praying nine years for more children, to be told in the doctor office that my baby didn’t have a heartbeat, my first thoughts were, “Doctor, you are so wrong, I prayed for this baby.” But as reality set in, my soul cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” It crossed my mind to abandon my prayer time with God the next day. But the next morning I was up with the sun as usual, sitting on my corner of the sofa, mug of hot water in hand, reading my Bible with God. Even I was amazed that God didn’t let go of me, as we waited over a week for the miscarriage that nearly took my life. We named our baby Gloria Anne, in hopes that God’s name would be glorified.
Just a month later we became pregnant again. I hardly dared to hope that this baby was twins. In mid October 2009 we found out that this baby also didn’t have a heartbeat. This time we had to wait three weeks for the miscarriage which took six weeks to complete, well into December. We named this baby Angelica May, because she is now with the angels and was due in May 2010. The whole time I was wondering, “Why do I have to go through this again, Lord? Is there something I didn’t learn the first time around?”
In September 2009 we planted a cherry tree in our front yard in memory of Gloria Anne. Now the tree is in memory of both our babies. It wasn’t until we ordered the plaque to put on a rock by the tree that it hit me. The plaque says
“In Memory, Our Babies, Gloria Anne, Angelica May, 2009”
With their names together on the plaque I realized, we had our twins. They did not come when I asked. They were not healthy. I never saw the color of the hair or their eyes. Even their names were ones I had never thought of before. Even though I know that someday in heaven I will hold them in my arms, I ache, while learning that God’s ways are not my ways, and His thoughts are not my thoughts.
Judges 6:13 (NIV) says “O my Lord, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all His miracles?” I often pray this petition as I wrestle with God in prayer. Because I didn’t get my way, I think His miracles aren’t there, but they are. His miracles are in a hug from a sister in Christ, the box of chocolates sent by an old friend from high school, the prayer shawl knitted by our church, the DQ Buster bars delivered by our neighbors, the money for doctor bills slipped to us by friends, the card box decorated in pink for our baby, my husband washing the dishes for me, the prayers of so many, and the hope I still have in my heart. Yes, God sent His miracles. His ways are just much higher than my ways…and I’m still praying.